Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Reality Setting In

Some odd "coming to terms with reality" moments are gradually forming, taking hold in my being this week. The odd sensation of letting things move on and fade gracefully into Nothingness.

Also, a new phase in relation to Work, in terms of a much looser and more organic approach. Again, less grasping and struggling. A deeper sense of inner acceptance and bodily presence.

Just as I can be with the letting-go and Nothingness, I can be with the bodily presence and breath, without the inner criticism, sense of failure or disappointment. "At this point, you've showed up enough, and contributed real bits, that your absence is felt."

Lastly, I'm coming into a deeper-felt realization/acceptance that my music is for me alone and I have no need to venture out of my own backyard to share it with a world that sees me as an inadequate performer. I do love to perform. But I feel like the Universe says "no" at this point.

And who am, to argue with the Universe? I am come to Nothingness and can rest in that, accept it.

Friday, November 8, 2019

When I'm Not Crying, I'm Laughing

Reflecting this cold Friday morning at Local Coffee at the Pearl: Cold front last night, rain. Much whiskey. A good night. Life is so weird. Such a bizarre mix of beauty, togetherness and aloneness. Duke Jordan channeling Vince Guaraldi, rain, darkness, a few chuckles here and there. Thinking of someone like Schulz. What a wonderful artist, genius really. And yet so tormented. The real trick in life, once we acknowledge that we are machines that receive and take in impressions, is to be present and grateful for everything. To hold each small act that comes your way lovingly in gentle, open hands; accept it, then release it. To savor and to let go, keeping back for ourselves whatever is beneficial to our being. In this life we must learn to savor and let go; each moment, a gift.

Friday, December 28, 2018

As 2018 Comes to a Close

Reading back through my journal this morning (and thereafter through this blog to the very beginning) I note that I have been blogging/writing online for 20 years now; some of the earliest scraps, poetry/fragments go back even further... to the early 90s and even as far back as 1983 and "Burwood"... One thing that strikes me very powerfully is the continuity in terms of the spiritual content of these writings and the connection to the Work or the Great Wisdom tradition that forms the basis of all religion. My inner life has deepened and is ever-maturing as I near 60. The past two years have been insightful and meaningful. And yet, I am still "just a beginner" when it comes to the business of awakening. To some extent a foundation has at least been laid for this structure still needing to be built. But a foundation there is, to be sure.
“How does it feel to be you?” This is one question the comedian and actor Bill Murray fielded during a press conference at the 2014 Toronto International Film Festival after after the screening of his latest film St. Vincent. I’m going to guess that most people would’ve seized up or given a light-hearted answer and moved on to the next question, but Murray used it as a teaching moment, of sorts, about being present. Thankfully, the folks over at Vulture recorded his answer. Listen to Murray’s dharma talk here: “Let’s all ask ourselves that question right now: What does it feel like to be you? What does it feel like to be you? Yeah. It feels good to be you, doesn’t it? It feels good, because there’s one thing that you are — you’re the only one that’s you, right? So you’re the only one that’s you, and we get confused sometimes — or I do, I think everyone does — you try to compete. You think, damn it, someone else is trying to be me. Someone else is trying to be me. But I don’t have to armor myself against those people; I don’t have to armor myself against that idea if I can really just relax and feel content in this way and this regard. If I can just feel… Just think now: How much do you weigh? This is a thing I like to do with myself when I get lost and I get feeling funny. How much do you weigh? Think about how much each person here weighs and try to feel that weight in your seat right now, in your bottom right now. Parts in your feet and parts in your bum. Just try to feel your own weight, in your own seat, in your own feet. Okay? So if you can feel that weight in your body, if you can come back into the most personal identification, a very personal identification, which is: I am. This is me now. Here I am, right now. This is me now. Then you don’t feel like you have to leave, and be over there, or look over there. You don’t feel like you have to rush off and be somewhere. There’s just a wonderful sense of well-being that begins to circulate up and down, from your top to your bottom. Up and down from your top to your spine. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile, that makes you want to feel good, that makes you want to feel like you could embrace yourself. So, what’s it like to be me? You can ask yourself, “What’s it like to be me?” You know, the only way we’ll ever know what it’s like to be you is if you work your best at being you as often as you can, and keep reminding yourself: That’s where home is.”

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

November Musings Local Coffee at the Pearl

Reading “Notes on the Next Attention”, pages 102-103 “Love and compassion can come through me ~ compassion for my (various) parts, too… to be able to experience something real; to receive from Above this that is real ~ a movement ~ both worlds together for a moment.”

Also, from Ian ~ Frank Sinclair’s Prayer on the Anniversary of Gurdjieff’s death.

Finally from Ian, Jeanne de Salzmann: “I begin to realize that my presence is where my attention is.”

This morning feeling these presences, flowing through me… a continuity of being. From Mister Gurdjieff to Richard, Robert, Ian to de Salzmann, J Foster, Yvonne, Jim Nes, Nishima, Anson, Pierce, Sid… a continuation, continuum of presencing. A direct line of being-transmission. A blessed life. The connectiveness.

A quiteness that can fill the body, even in the coffee shop.

“Listening quitely to ourselves we know that we are, even though we may not know what we are. Perhaps this is the ultimate knowledge” (William Segal)

October Moon

This morning reading Michel de Salzmann and remembering William Segal’s writings. A small point of maturity is touched in me. There is a groundedness that can be available. That I can simply sit in. This is a maturity. Not reactive. Pure. One cannot attain it. Simple being. Is-ness. Sometimes I remember these things. Sometimes I can cease the struggle to attain, acquire, collect. Why the need to acquire? It is from a feeling of lack. Un-necessary. All this is impermanent. All of life is fleeting. And this is beautiful. How disappointed I have been with myself. To what benefit? To be a man means to accept what is, smile to ourselves at the reflections, the currents, the ebb and flow of the life force in it’s dance, totality. One cannot control it. One cannot even control oneself.

To be at peace one must be at one with circumstances; develop an inner separation, impartiality. Neither “this”, nor “that.” “Develop” is, of course, the wrong word. One cannot grow into it; one must surrender. It is the default position when I drop holding onto “my agenda” and stop being so personal.

Nothing personal.

This is the key. It’s not personal. Nothing is. It’s just life. Good day… bad day. Be a mountain. The mountain does not take it personal. It merely exists in it’s perfection, in just this moment.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Further Adventures...

Hello, blog, my old friend... Sunday afternoon practice sessions with Holly continue and I've trimmed the ever-growing set-list down a bit because I was adding too many tunes that weren't properly or fully-arranged. Since full-band practices are difficult to coordinate, this seems better suited for the group. Meanwhile, Holly and I continue to work out vocal arrangements and guitar/bass colorations. Some cool new chord-ings have arisen. Some lead parts are getting more locked-in. Finding a real warmth growing with the tunes. The one song that may be added and still needs work is "Another Way of Loving You." Worked out some cool twang-bar parts; hopefully I can remember them.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Friday Night in the Music Room

Turned on the rig last night and was really feeling it. A very good evening at playing. Started with a tutorial video on "She Said, She Said," which really helped ... Dsus chord worked it's way into just about everything else I worked on last night, as well! So we've got "She Said, She Said," "Rain," "Vibrating," and "Hard Day's Night" and a reinvigorated "Another Way of Loving You." Cool whammy part on that. More later. Felt really good to play. One of those magical nights where everything just felt right! Today early voting then a quick stop at Target; really want to get some "fairy lights" for the music room...

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Thinking a lot about life, music, friends... life is a strange riff, after-all. I think I might've found a new re-approach to a "guitar group" (all other recent attempts having failed) and am now interested in giving it a shot. I'm frankly running out of workable scenarios. But today I "heard" something and said "yes". So tonight or tomorrow I'll test drive these ideas. Also (note-to-self) I need to find the power cord for the Ditto.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Working on NST versions of th following:


The Making of Americans

Entropy in Three Parts

Waiting for the Eagles

Friends Forever



I advance masked 


Reality Setting In

Some odd "coming to terms with reality" moments are gradually forming, taking hold in my being this week. The odd sensation of let...