Reality Setting In

Some odd "coming to terms with reality" moments are gradually forming, taking hold in my being this week. The odd sensation of letting things move on and fade gracefully into Nothingness.

Also, a new phase in relation to Work, in terms of a much looser and more organic approach. Again, less grasping and struggling. A deeper sense of inner acceptance and bodily presence.

Just as I can be with the letting-go and Nothingness, I can be with the bodily presence and breath, without the inner criticism, sense of failure or disappointment.

Lastly, I'm coming into a deeper-felt realization/acceptance that my music is for me alone and I have no need to venture out of my own backyard to share it with a world that sees me as inadequate somehow. I do love to perform. But I feel like the Universe says "no" at this point.

And who am, to argue with the Universe? I am come to Nothingness and can rest in that, accepting it.

When I'm Not Crying, I'm Laughing

Reflecting this cold Friday morning at Local Coffee at the Pearl: Cold front last night, rain. Much whiskey. A good night. Life is so weird. Such a bizarre mix of beauty, togetherness and aloneness. Duke Jordan channeling Vince Guaraldi, rain, darkness, a few chuckles here and there. Thinking of someone like Schulz. What a wonderful artist, genius really. And yet so tormented. The real trick in life, once we acknowledge that we are machines that receive and take in impressions, is to be present and grateful for everything. To hold each small act that comes your way lovingly in gentle, open hands; accept it, then release it. To savor and to let go, keeping back for ourselves whatever is beneficial to our being. In this life we must learn to savor and let go; each moment, a gift.