January: Pausing and Giving Thanks

Today I pause for a moment to remember to be grateful, and give thanks for my body, my being, my loved ones. Too often I seem to be so busy running and "getting-things-done" that I forget what is essential... re-filling my inner resovoir. And yet it is the most important thing. It is primary thing. We must stop and smell the roses.

Organic Work

A very good week, after feelings of sadness last weekend. I keep running into a sadness within myself. But this week read from the 1943 Paris Meetings (January 19, 1943) some things that resonated deeply and praying with the three centers, working with the exercises vs. "philosophizing," and looking at my past manifestations to see indentifications; all of which imbued me with an inner clarity and energy. Had a real point of seeing. Further talks with Lee clarified some of this and enhanced it. Solar flare,organic work of being. Allowing neural roots to grow, solar plexus and advices against kumbaya-type rapture. Ended the work week on a high note. So why am I sad again?

World of Wisdom January 22, 2022 - Sister Dang Ngheim

Heard this last night; so beautiful. Touched me. Today I am sad about Thich Nhat Hanh's passing. Sad and beautiful and powerful.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3ct2zwf

Saturday Morning

Wonderful, relaxing morning working in the office/studio and dreaming about poetry/books/art… somewhat less disorganized now with a clear view of my desk. Earlier sensing Mr. G’s presence, coffee and bird-song. For the past three days I have had more balance, poise and grace. I am at One with my Being.

Otherwise, trying to limit the number of outside distractions.

Spike is helping me these days; as is Kayla’s support, in music and generally. Also, Lee and Kev and Will. Psychologically feeling very strong and back today. Took care of a lot of personal business the past two days. Ruminating on book concept(s). Ordered the Katie Pell book from French & Michigan.

Who Am I?

Autumn equinox today; I am feeling it. Wonderful morning sitting exercise/meditation with Roger Gabriel today. Letting go, cleansing. How auspicious this first day of Autumn!

Today I ask “Who Am I”? Am I past thoughts and associations? Am I my concerns for the future?

Eckhart Tolle says, “Remember you are the sky. The clouds are what happens, what comes and goes.”

Spend time being aware in the now, in the moment.

“Who am I? I listen to the resonance of the question. And I begin to hear the resonance of the response, which I perceive through a sensation of life, of a current of life. It shows me that at this moment my essence is touched. My work is not imaginary, not only on the surface. It has penetrated more deeply. I belong to this life whose echo I feel, and wish only to attune myself to it. I listen in myself to the resonance of “I am .” It must become more important than everything else. This is my soul itself that is here.”

~ Jeanne de Salzmann, “The Reality of Being: The Fourth Way of Gurdjieff.”

Reality Setting In

Some odd "coming to terms with reality" moments are gradually forming, taking hold in my being this week. The odd sensation of letting things move on and fade gracefully into Nothingness.

Also, a new phase in relation to Work, in terms of a much looser and more organic approach. Again, less grasping and struggling. A deeper sense of inner acceptance and bodily presence.

Just as I can be with the letting-go and Nothingness, I can be with the bodily presence and breath, without the inner criticism, sense of failure or disappointment.

Lastly, I'm coming into a deeper-felt realization/acceptance that my music is for me alone and I have no need to venture out of my own backyard to share it with a world that sees me as inadequate somehow. I do love to perform. But I feel like the Universe says "no" at this point.

And who am, to argue with the Universe? I am come to Nothingness and can rest in that, accepting it.

When I'm Not Crying, I'm Laughing

Reflecting this cold Friday morning at Local Coffee at the Pearl: Cold front last night, rain. Much whiskey. A good night. Life is so weird. Such a bizarre mix of beauty, togetherness and aloneness. Duke Jordan channeling Vince Guaraldi, rain, darkness, a few chuckles here and there. Thinking of someone like Schulz. What a wonderful artist, genius really. And yet so tormented. The real trick in life, once we acknowledge that we are machines that receive and take in impressions, is to be present and grateful for everything. To hold each small act that comes your way lovingly in gentle, open hands; accept it, then release it. To savor and to let go, keeping back for ourselves whatever is beneficial to our being. In this life we must learn to savor and let go; each moment, a gift.

As 2018 Comes to a Close

Reading back through my journal this morning (and thereafter through this blog to the very beginning) I note that I have been blogging/writing online for 20 years now; some of the earliest scraps, poetry/fragments go back even further... to the early 90s and even as far back as 1983 and "Burwood"... One thing that strikes me very powerfully is the continuity in terms of the spiritual content of these writings and the connection to the Work or the Great Wisdom tradition that forms the basis of all religion. My inner life has deepened and is ever-maturing as I near 60. The past two years have been insightful and meaningful. And yet, I am still "just a beginner" when it comes to the business of awakening. To some extent a foundation has at least been laid for this structure still needing to be built. But a foundation there is, to be sure.

“How does it feel to be you?” This is one question the comedian and actor Bill Murray fielded during a press conference at the 2014 Toronto International Film Festival after after the screening of his latest film St. Vincent. I’m going to guess that most people would’ve seized up or given a light-hearted answer and moved on to the next question, but Murray used it as a teaching moment, of sorts, about being present. Thankfully, the folks over at Vulture recorded his answer. Listen to Murray’s dharma talk here: “Let’s all ask ourselves that question right now: What does it feel like to be you? What does it feel like to be you? Yeah. It feels good to be you, doesn’t it? It feels good, because there’s one thing that you are — you’re the only one that’s you, right? So you’re the only one that’s you, and we get confused sometimes — or I do, I think everyone does — you try to compete. You think, damn it, someone else is trying to be me. Someone else is trying to be me. But I don’t have to armor myself against those people; I don’t have to armor myself against that idea if I can really just relax and feel content in this way and this regard. If I can just feel… Just think now: How much do you weigh? This is a thing I like to do with myself when I get lost and I get feeling funny. How much do you weigh? Think about how much each person here weighs and try to feel that weight in your seat right now, in your bottom right now. Parts in your feet and parts in your bum. Just try to feel your own weight, in your own seat, in your own feet. Okay? So if you can feel that weight in your body, if you can come back into the most personal identification, a very personal identification, which is: I am. This is me now. Here I am, right now. This is me now. Then you don’t feel like you have to leave, and be over there, or look over there. You don’t feel like you have to rush off and be somewhere. There’s just a wonderful sense of well-being that begins to circulate up and down, from your top to your bottom. Up and down from your top to your spine. And you feel something that makes you almost want to smile, that makes you want to feel good, that makes you want to feel like you could embrace yourself. So, what’s it like to be me? You can ask yourself, “What’s it like to be me?” You know, the only way we’ll ever know what it’s like to be you is if you work your best at being you as often as you can, and keep reminding yourself: That’s where home is.” https://soundcloud.com/vulturedotcom/bill-murray-on-what-its-like-to-be-bill-murray http://onbeing.org/blog/bill-murrays-dharma-talk-on-what-its-like-to-be-you/7353

November Musings Local Coffee at the Pearl

Reading “Notes on the Next Attention”, pages 102-103 “Love and compassion can come through me ~ compassion for my (various) parts, too… to be able to experience something real; to receive from Above this that is real ~ a movement ~ both worlds together for a moment.”

Also, from Ian ~ Frank Sinclair’s Prayer on the Anniversary of Gurdjieff’s death.

Finally from Ian, Jeanne de Salzmann: “I begin to realize that my presence is where my attention is.”

This morning feeling these presences, flowing through me… a continuity of being. From Mister Gurdjieff to Richard, Robert, Ian to de Salzmann, J Foster, Yvonne, Jim Nes, Nishima, Anson, Pierce, Sid… a continuation, continuum of presencing. A direct line of being-transmission. A blessed life. The connectiveness.

A quiteness that can fill the body, even in the coffee shop.

“Listening quitely to ourselves we know that we are, even though we may not know what we are. Perhaps this is the ultimate knowledge” (William Segal)

October Moon

This morning reading Michel de Salzmann and remembering William Segal’s writings. A small point of maturity is touched in me. There is a groundedness that can be available. That I can simply sit in. This is a maturity. Not reactive. Pure. One cannot attain it. Simple being. Is-ness. Sometimes I remember these things. Sometimes I can cease the struggle to attain, acquire, collect. Why the need to acquire? It is from a feeling of lack. Un-necessary. All this is impermanent. All of life is fleeting. And this is beautiful. How disappointed I have been with myself. To what benefit? To be a man means to accept what is, smile to ourselves at the reflections, the currents, the ebb and flow of the life force in it’s dance, totality. One cannot control it. One cannot even control oneself.

To be at peace one must be at one with circumstances; develop an inner separation, impartiality. Neither “this”, nor “that.” “Develop” is, of course, the wrong word. One cannot grow into it; one must surrender. It is the default position when I drop holding onto “my agenda” and stop being so personal.

Nothing personal.

This is the key. It’s not personal. Nothing is. It’s just life. Good day… bad day. Be a mountain. The mountain does not take it personal. It merely exists in it’s perfection, in just this moment.

Further Adventures...

Hello, blog, my old friend... Sunday afternoon practice sessions with Holly continue and I've trimmed the ever-growing set-list down a bit because I was adding too many tunes that weren't properly or fully-arranged. Since full-band practices are difficult to coordinate, this seems better suited for the group. Meanwhile, Holly and I continue to work out vocal arrangements and guitar/bass colorations. Some cool new chord-ings have arisen. Some lead parts are getting more locked-in. Finding a real warmth growing with the tunes. The one song that may be added and still needs work is "Another Way of Loving You." Worked out some cool twang-bar parts; hopefully I can remember them.

Friday Night in the Music Room

Turned on the rig last night and was really feeling it. A very good evening at playing. Started with a tutorial video on "She Said, She Said," which really helped ... Dsus chord worked it's way into just about everything else I worked on last night, as well! So we've got "She Said, She Said," "Rain," "Vibrating," and "Hard Day's Night" and a reinvigorated "Another Way of Loving You." Cool whammy part on that. More later. Felt really good to play. One of those magical nights where everything just felt right! Today early voting then a quick stop at Target; really want to get some "fairy lights" for the music room...

Thinking a lot about life, music, friends... life is a strange riff, after-all. I think I might've found a new re-approach to a "guitar group" (all other recent attempts having failed) and am now interested in giving it a shot. I'm frankly running out of workable scenarios. But today I "heard" something and said "yes". So tonight or tomorrow I'll test drive these ideas. Also (note-to-self) I need to find the power cord for the Ditto.

Working on NST versions of th following:

Moon

The Making of Americans

Entropy in Three Parts

Waiting for the Eagles

Friends Forever

Landscape

Freedom

I advance masked 

Burwood

Markus Reuter

http://youtu.be/mffn1EfRMy8

Acoustical

Re-tuned the acoustic to 432 Hz approximate in the NST tuning again and revisting earlier versions of "Moon", "Guitar Craft Theme", "Burwood" and Landscape. Sounds so good to these ears. Want to work on some more spiritual stuff lately; this is what is calling me. Ahhhh-bwoooon